jackphelps.net

Alice on my Wall

I finally got around to painting Alice and the Cheshire Cat on my wall:

It was really easy, it just took a few steps. Here’s how:

Photoshop your image down to basic lines

• Get a hip image, open it in Photoshop, and trim out all the junk until you’re down to just the part you want as the basis of your stencil (use the eraser or the select tool). I wound up cutting all the leaves out of mine to keep it clean.

• Crank the contrast way up and adjust the brightness if you need (image > adjust > brightness/contrast)
• Use a gaussian blur to reduce the detail (filter > blur > gaussian blur); you might have to play with how strong you want it; I think I had mine set at 5.6
• Do a cutout to get the stencil look (filters > artistic > cutout); use 2 for the number of levels and play with the other two settings to get the level of detail you want. Because mine was so big, I used the lowest setting for ‘edge simplicity’ and the highest for ‘edge fidelity’.
• If you need to run brightness/contrast again to get back to a simple black-and-white, do so. You might also want to invert the black and white of the image (image > adjust > invert) to make the next step easier, depending on your wall color.

• If you need to do any touch-up (like my cheshire cat’s right eye, for example), you can either do it here or on the wall, depending on your free-hand skills.

Best Homemade Pizza Recipe Ever

Do you have the same problem as me? That your homemade pizza always seems to need a fork to be eaten properly? To me that’s not pizza, that’s just lame dough and some mashed up ingredients. Nick was looking around for pizza recipes one day and found this one—the top-rated recipe on allrecipes.com—and it works beautifully. The recipe below should make two cookie sheet-sized pizzas like the one pictured (which, by the way, is pesto, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, and gorgonzola).

Ingredients

2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
1/2 tsp brown sugar
1 1/2 c warm water
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp olive oil
2 1/2 c all-purpose flour, plus 1 c reserved for additional flouring

Process

In a large bowl, dissolve the yeast and brown sugar in the water, and let sit for 10 minutes.
Stir the salt and oil into the yeast solution. Mix in 2 1/2 cups of the flour.

Turn dough out onto a clean, well-floured surface, and knead in more flour liberally until the dough is no longer sticky. Place the dough into a well oiled bowl, and cover with a cloth. Let the dough rise until double; this should take about 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 425°.

Punch down the dough, and form a tight ball. Allow the dough to relax for a minute before rolling out. Roll the dough thin, and get rid of any extra rather than trying to cram it onto your baking surface; making this too thick will make it bad. If you’re baking your pizza in a pan, lightly oil the pan, and let the dough rise for 15 or 20 minutes before topping and baking it. If you’re baking the dough on a pizza stone, simply top and bake immediately. Bake until crust is golden brown, about 15 to 20 minutes.

Amy’s Sesame Noodle Salad

I have no idea where my ex-girlfriend got this delicious recipe from, but it’s one of my favorites, and is actually very close to a pork-containing version my mother made frequently when I was growing up. I lack an alluring picture right now, but this cold noodle dish is easy and fast to make and well worth the trip to Chinatown for the couple things you can’t find in a regular store. It actually gets better the longer it’s been sitting in the fridge (to a point, I suppose). I almost always double it.

Ingredients

2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp sesame oil
3 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp mirin (rice wine)
1 1/2 tablespoons rice vinegar
2 tbsp sesame paste
1 tbsp honey
1/2 tsp chili paste
pinch of five spices powder
2 tbsp fresh cilantro, chopped coarsely
8 ounces soba or linguini
3 scallions
unsalted peanuts

Prep

You’ll probably need to hit an asian grocer for your five spices powder, chili paste, mirin, and sesame paste. I usually just use regular linguini, although I suppose soba is probably a bit healthier.

Process

Mix everything except the noodles, scallions, cilantro, and peanuts in a small saucepan over medium heat for a couple minutes, stirring frequently just to homogenize. Boil the noodles and mix your sauce in immediately to prevent sticking. Put them in the fridge (or even the freezer, for a short time) to start them cooling. Pick the cilantro leaves and chop them just a bit. Put a bunch of peanuts in a plastic bag and use a rolling pin to crush them thoroughly. Slice the scallions at a diagonal into roughly one-inch-long pieces. Toss the cilantro, half the scallions, and half the peanuts into the salad, and then sprinkle the rest of the scallions and peanuts on top. You can eat immediately if you want, but it’s best when thoroughly cooled or even left in the refrigerator for a few hours or overnight.

Crystallized Ginger

There are a million ways to do this, and most of them supposedly take days. I don’t have time for that kind of stuff. Here’s my crystallized ginger recipe (I’ve sadly long since lost any attribution I might be able to make), it makes delicious, potent crystallized ginger slices that are admittedly nowhere near as pretty as what you can buy in stores, but hey, I’m okay with that. As an additional plus, the waste product of this recipe is amazing ginger-fied sugar that you must save and use in some other recipe (e.g. cookies) to really spice it up.

Ingredients

20 oz fresh ginger (see purchase tips below)
2 c sugar

Prep

Buy the biggest, smoothest ginger possible. The pieces will shrink and curl and generally end up smaller than they started, so big is important. You’re also going to have to skin it, so pieces with lots of bumps and offshoots are difficult.

Process

Skin the ginger and get all the biggest pieces you can. Cut them into coins about 1/4th an inch thick. Go thicker rather than thinner if you need to. Feel free to cut diagonally across the ginger (like you might with french bread or a cucumber) rather than just straight across the diameter, so you can get larger coins. Try to keep the pieces consistent, but because of the root-y nature of ginger you’re going to end up with at least a few ugly pieces.

Cook this in a wok or large frying pan. First, toss the ginger and the sugar together. Then, put in enough water to completely cover the ginger, admitting that some will float up so you won’t actually be able to cover it. Bring to a boil and stir frequently. Most or all the sugar should dissolve, if it hasn’t, add a bit more water to make sure it does. When it boils, turn the heat down a bit to just simmer, and stir fairly frequently while the water gradually cooks off and the sugar is absorbed into the ginger.

Eventually, you’ll reach a point where you’ve basically run out of water and the small bubbles you see are simply liquid sugar. Take it off heat and do your best to spread the ginger out over a cookie sheet, separating the pieces to minimize the number that stick together. It will cool and solidify very quickly, so just try to pull sticking pieces apart until it hardens. Now the ginge will mostly look like it has carmalized sugar all over the outside. Soften it up some and get rid of extra sugar by putting a bit at a time into a container you can shake vigorously. Shake shake shake.

Again, don’t forget to save the extra sugar. It is an amazing addition to other recipes; I like to use it in things like oatmeal cookies or carrot cake.

Jordan Marsh Muffins

Way back in the day, there were these things called department stores where you could find basically anything (a lot like malls or, y’know, the Internet).

Sarcasm aside, bakeries were a critical part of the department store experience—or so I’m told, although the only place I know of left to observe this phenomen is Harrod’s—and like the infamous Neiman Marcus cookies, Jordan Marsh muffins were renowned far and wide.¹ Yes, they’re really that good.

The original recipe is for blueberry muffins, but I think the best addition by far is peaches. This makes at least a dozen muffins.

Ingredients

1/2 c butter
1 c sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 c flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c milk
a whole bunch of your preferred fruit
cinnamon or brown sugar for sprinkling

Prep

Preheat the oven to 375
Grease muffin tin cups

Process

Cream together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer until fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time and stir in the vanilla. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt, and add to the wet mixture alternating with the milk. If the fruit is damp (i.e. chopped peaches or frozen blueberries) flour it lightly. Fold in the fruit, then spoon the batter into the tin. Sprinkle the tops generously with the brown sugar or cinnamon. Bake for 30 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean. Allow to cool a few minutes before removing from the tin.

¹ Jordan Marsh was a large Boston-based department store chain that merged with Macy’s in the 90s and lost the internal corporate brand war to the Macy’s name; many of the Macy’s around the country were originally Jordan Marshes, including the enormous Boston location, formerly Jordan Marsh’s flagship, and where my mom—who gave me this recipe—had her first JM muffin.

Why Don’t You Love Me (Like You Used To Do)

Hank Williams, Sr.

[G] Well, why don’t you love me like you [D] used to do
[G] How come you treat me like a [D] worn out shoe
[G] My hair’s still curly and my [C] eyes are still blue
So [G] why don’t you love me like you [D7] used to [G] do

[G] Why don’t you spark me like you [D] used to do
[G] And say sweet nothin’s like you [D] used to coo
[G] I’m the same old trouble that you’ve [C] always been through
So [G] why don’t you love me like you [D7] used to [G] do

Ain’t had no [C] lovin’ like a huggin’ and a kissin’ in a [D7] long, long [G] while
We don’t get [C] nearer or further or closer than a country [D7] mile

[G] Well, why don’t you be just like you [D] used to be
[G] How come you find so many [D] faults with me
[G] Somebody’s changed so let me [C] give you a clue
So [G] why don’t you love me like you [D7] used to [G] do

Ain’t had no [C] lovin’ like a huggin’ and a kissin’ in a [D7] long, long [G] while
We don’t get [C] nearer or further or closer than a country [D7] mile

[G] Why don’t you say the things you [D] used to say
[G] How come you treat me like a [D] piece of clay
[G] My hair’s still curly and my [C] eyes are still blue
So [G] why don’t you love me like you [D7] used to [G] do

Nobody’s Lonesome for Me

Hank WIlliams, Sr.

[G] Everybody’s lonesome for somebody else
But nobody’s lonesome for [D7] me
Everybody’s thinkin’ ’bout somebody else
But nobody thinks about [G] me
When the [C] time rolls around for me to [G] lay down and die
I bet [D7] I’ll have to go and hire me [A7] someone to [D] cry
[G] Everybody’s lonesome for somebody else
[D7] nobody is lonesome for [G] me.

[G] Everybody’s longin’ for somebody else
But nobody’s longin’ for [D7] me
Everybody’s dreamin’ about somebody else
But nobody dreams about [G] me
All I [C] need is a bride who want’s a [G] big-hearted groom
I [D7] wouldn’t care if she come ridin’ [A7] in on a [D] broom
[G] Everybody’s lonesome for somebody else
[D7] Nobody’s lonesome for [G] me

[G] Everybody’s pinin’ for somebody else
But nobody’s pinin’ for [D7] me
Everybody’s crazy ’bout somebody else
But nobody’s crazy ’bout [G] me
Oh, I [C] shined up my shoes and then I [G] slicked down my hair
Put [D7] on my Sunday best, but I ain’t [A7] goin’ [D] nowhere
[G] Everybody’s lonesome for somebody else
[D7] But nobody’s lonesome for [G] me

[G] Everybody’s yearnin’ for somebody else
But nobody’s yearnin’ for [D7] me
Everybody’s fallin’ for somebody else
But nobody’s fallin’ for [G] me
Now I [C] ain’t had a kiss since I fell [G] out of my crib
It [D7] looks to me like I been cheated [A7] out of my [D] rib
[G] Everybody’s lonesome for somebody else
[D7] Nobody’s lonesome for [G] me

Fish Tacos + Salsa Verde

Fish tacos are amazing, but there’s no good way to make ‘em yourself without fresh salsa verde for a topping. These make for a ridiculously healthy and fresh meal.

Ingredients

salsa verde

1 1/2 lbs tomatillos
1/2 large white onion, chopped
1/2 cup cilantro leaves, apprx 1 bundle
2 serrano peppers stemmed, seeded, and chopped
2 tbsp fresh lime juice
2 tbsp cumin
1/2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt

fish tacos

filleted catfish
red cabbage
flour tortillas
cumin
Optional: mozzarella cheese

Salsa Verde

If you haven’t worked with tomatillos before, don’t worry, it’s easy: simply peel off the husks, and don’t be afraid to use running water liberally because they’re often sticky underneath. make sure to remove the stems but don’t cut them. Put them in a pot of boiling water for 5-7 minutes or until soft. Remove them with a slotted spoon and put them in a blender with the rest of the salsa verde ingredients. Blend until there are no large chunks, but not to homogeneity.

Fish Tacos

The fish tacos themselves are super easy: cut fine shavings from the cabbage, and sautee them on medium-high dry heat for 1-2 minutes to soften them, then set aside. Cut the catfish into thin strips and place them in the pan when the cabbage is done. Sprinkle them lightly with cumin and sautee about 3 minutes on each side, and when done, shred them using a spatula. While the fish is cooking, microwave the tortillas for 30-40 seconds each to warm them. Then make your tacos.

Irish Soda Bread

I hate dealing with yeast bread, so back in college when I needed to make a whole bunch of bread fast I started making this delicious Irish Soda Bread. You can literally have a loaf done in an hour if you’ve got your ingredients together. I almost always use cranberries, but you can experiment with anything you want. 

Ingredients

4 c flour
2.5 tsp baking soda
2 tbsp sugar
dash salt
1 egg
2 c buttermilk
8oz cranberries

Prep

Pre-heat oven to 375°
Grease a standard cake plate or bread pan

Process

Mix all the dry ingredients and wet ingredients separately, then mix them together into a dough, then mix in the cranberries. It’s admittedly much easier to mix the cranberries into the dry ingredients first, so if you’re lazy you can do that, just know that your cranberries will wind up with some flour in their nooks and crannies.

Plop the dough in the pan and bake for 50 minutes.

We’ll Meet Again

Vera Lynn

[C] We’ll meet [E7] again, don’t know [A7] where, don’t know [A+] when,
But I’m [D7] sure we’ll meet again some sun - ny day. [G] [G7]

[C] Keep smiling [E7] through, just like [A7] you always [A+] do,
‘Til the [D7] blue skies chase the dark clouds [G] far a - [C] way.

[Bridge]

So [C7] will you please say “Hello” to the [C+] folks that I know,
Tell them [F] I won’t be long,
They’ll be [D7] happy to know that when you saw me go
I was [G] sing - ing this [G7] song.

[Chorus]